....I stepped out the entrance, Vashti Bunyan - Diamond Day in my ears and faced the immediate world infront of me. The sun was gleaming brightly off the rough sea, which was framed by the buildings that lay in my declining foregrounds. The painfully cold air was warmly welcomed....
It was only nine days in hospital, which again, I couldn't be saved from. When you haven't eaten or breathed fresh air for five days, bed-stricken, it's incredible how much you appreciate all the supposedly insignificant things that you've been foolishly taking for granted; being able to guzzle or even sip a glass of cold milk, breathe fresh windy air or have the freedom to go for a walk and end up wherever your legs will take you. I find it strangely sad when you become used to such fundamentals again and stop appreciating them.
In most ways, I am very happy to be out of hospital for a few days, back at home. But really, I just wish to escape it all completely. It's a combination of all of the things that have bear on my endurance for the last three months which is most tiresome. You must take the current when it serves. Unfortunately mine currently doesn't, atleast not to fresh waters, yet. I'm back up to london on friday for my next cycle of chemotherapy. The last, has left me feeling pretty empty, I wonder how the next will phase me.
The future has no reality except as present hope, the past has no reality except as present recollection.
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Hi Simon, Brad and Michaela here, Brad's not been too bad after the 3rd cycle, only 3 days in hospital with throat infection, it's been really good to have him home having some 'normal' time.
Look forward to seeing you again on friday down the 'boys' end, sorry you've had such a rough time, perhaps they will reduce your dose slightly, they did with Brad because of how rough it was making him post chemo. Take care, love to you all.
Hello Simon,Brads nan Penny here,so sorry to hear you to,have been spending a lot of time in hospital,and I really hope that soon you will start to feel much better.This is truley a long road you and Brad are walking,and I think you are both brilliant,in the way you are handeling this.Just hang in there Simon,they say the first few chemos are the worst,it can only get better.Good luck for the next round.Best wishes Brads Nan x
This is like Tolkein's journey to Mordor. I know the Big C is hardly likened to a "precious" but you are not quite sure how the journey is going to pan out. Sometimes there are plenty of people around willing to help. On the other hand there must be many times when you are alone and feel alone, bored, tired, sick of the prolonged endurance dragging on; hour by hour, day by day, week by week, drug by drug, needle by needle, line by line,and there's more to come. The end is some distant location that cannot be seen. I'm not quite sure how Gollum fits into the scheme of things...perhaps he is one of those side effects that keeps coming back to zap you from time to time. Whatever happens, your friends and family support you in ways that may not always be obvious to you at the time. The battle continues and we all hope to fight in that battle even when you feel at your very loneliest point in the struggle.
Dad xx
Simon, good to see you´re still up and about. Shame that the chemo screws with you, but some evils are necessary eh?
Hi Simon and Family, We were sorry not to see you at UCH this weekend, we hope that all is ok with you and you're not having a rough time, i really hope not, let us know if you can how things are, thinking of you and hope to see you soon. Brad's surgery is now booked for the 26th March, love to see you before then.
Take care all of you
Michaela and Bradley XXXXXX
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